"A few years ago an ex of mine told me I was boring and not fun anymore when i tried to get sober, naturally I was pretty upset about it and naively it sent me back into unhealthy habits so I could be seen as 'fun' and someone worthy of loving. The truth is getting drunk or wrecked every weekend is what is boring, being hungover, scattered or spending every weekend on the couch or in bed eating uber eats is boring, spending your money on drugs and alcohol is boring. Life's more fun when you're fully present. The most fun I've ever had is being sober and what looks boring to some people - going to bed at grandma hour, waking up before the sun, meal prepping, going to the gym, getting outside every day, drinking water etc has created more space for freedom and fun than anything else ever has. So, before you go and think about writing yourself off this weekend or getting a bag or whatever it is you do for kicks, play the tape forward and ask yourself how boring will it make the next day? Is that short term hit really worth losing 2 - 3 days of joy, presence and life for? And how much fun are you actually going to have? Also if you're dating someone and they tell you you're boring, pack your shit and leave. You're worth more than that 💅"

"Picture this: It's 7am, you see a tall lady in brown track pants, a red fur coat and undone shoe laces charging down the street of your small town with a backpack on, bag of spinach and sugar free powerade in one hand and a container of food and 2L water bottle in the other looking stressed as fuck (thinking she's going to miss the train). Now picture this: said lady arrives at the station, 15 mins early of course, realising how insane that must have looked to the outside world and starts cracking up to herself whilst stuffing salad leaves into meal prepped containers to save space in the already over packed backpack 😂😂 At this point, I'm unsure if prep has finally cracked me or if this is normal but imma call it - Prep 1, Nikki 0 Yes, someone did ask me if I was ok 🤣 They thought I was hysterically crying due to the fact I was trying so hard to stifle my own laughter and not look completely crazy #fail T minus 5 weeks until I have some of my brain capacity back 🥳👻🤙"

"I was recently going through my camera roll trying to find a photo that showed my most depressed point, what I ended up finding were photos of me smiling which truthfully explains it so much better than any sad photo could. When you think about depression you probably think of someone looking a bit like Eeyore, right? Instincively, you might think of the person who has stopped functioning - no energy to move off the couch, crying all the time, etc and that's true too (i've been both) more commonly though, depression looks like the friend who's happy, or the person who puts everyone else first, or the person who keeps themselves constantly busy. That's the trouble with depression it's frighteningly easy to hide, especially if you're not looking for the subtleties. When I look back at the points that lead up to when I stopped functioning, there were some tell-tale signs along the way to it - my appearance changed pretty drastically, I'd gained a lot of weight, I was unkempt and had no pride in myself, I started to withdraw socially, I was drinking more in both volume and frequency, constantly puffing on a vape to ease my anxiety and mind, I could go on for days tbh. From the outside I'm certain most people would of seen me and thought wow Nikki has really let herself go, I was smiling to the world, so it could be assumed I was fine, yet the truth is I was struggling and hiding it behind a smiling face. It's pretty easy to judge other people, we have all been guilty of it at one point in our lives, yet everyone is fighting battles we all"

"When I was 16 I got selected into the Illawarra Academy of Sport for Netball, that same year, and the year after, I was scouted and represented NSW at the Indoor Netball National Titles. Netball and sports has always been something that has come pretty naturally to me thanks to my parents for getting me into them from a young age, what hasn't is the commitment and drive it takes to get to the top. After I peaked in those selections I quit and decided drinking and partying was the easier life for me. Disclaimer: it wasnt, it was 15 years of a very different type of hard. When I look back at what could of been and how different of a path I could of taken, i don't really have many regrets. All of those misteps and failings built me right now and I can't go back and change it so there's no point in regretting it. What i can do though is tell this story in case there's a 16 year old, or anyone else, who has natural talent like i did and remind them consistency, commitment, hard work and dedication will beat it every time. We all try to find shortcuts in life to make it easier or more comfortable but the reality is there is no easier way, no matter the choice you make it'll be hard at some point, it's all about choosing the one that's going to benefit you more in the long term. Short term sacrifice for long term gain every time."

"6 weeks ✨️ I'd be lying if I said the full force of prep hasn't hit. I am tired, sore, my brain is a monkey clapping tambourines off beat 99% of the time & I want to yeet my cat anytime she gets a little too needy (shout out to all the parents who prep not sure how you do it). I'd also be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about pulling the plug on it. It's not that I don't want to take the stage, I really do, it's that sometimes the stories I tell myself still win because I am a human being who realistically is only just on the other side of depression. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not someone who has it all figured out, like everyone else am still learning, growing, evolving & trying to make something better for myself. But I won't quit & I don't plan to quit and here's why; I keep going back to something I wrote a while ago: 'It's easy at first to break promises to yourself & not do the things you said you would. It's easy as first to find an excuse, or put it off until tomorrow. It's easy at first to settle for a job, relationship or a life that didn't turn out how you thought it would. & then one day it's not, one day it becomes the hardest thing in the world & you're left wondering why you’re miserable' One of the main reasons I wanted to take the stage is because I was so tired of letting myself down in almost every area of my life, I was hungry & desperate for change. I was tired of not holding myself to account, finishing anything I started (unless it"

"Note to self: take up journalling rather than putting feelings on the internet, especially during prep 😂 she's back and ready to rumble 😈 #callingmyselfout . . . . . . . . #wbff #wbffaustralia #posing #wbffbikini #fitness #wbfftransformation"

"One of the best aspects of posing is how empowering it is when you have fun, let loose and bring you into it. It's an expression and performance of you, that's what creates the magic ✨️ Whether your vibe is sexy, bad bitch, sassy, fierce, sensual, cute, camp, playful, strong, funny etc you can create a routine that displays exactly that and as a result exactly who you are. It truely is an art form and one that i am so grateful @theonlymaheen has given me so much creative freedom with. Posing has taught me more about confidence and loving who I see in the mirror more than anything else. Week by week I see this Nikki that was always there but lacked the confidence, or place to lean into it, come out to play and i think dayum, there she is 😍🔥😈 It's taught me there is no shame in being confident (imma go into this in another post later) - it's sexy and magnetic. You've gotta own that shit, lean into it and send it baby. I genuinely can't wait to bring our art to life on stage in a sparkly bikini in less than 5 weeks and show everyone who i am 😍. Until then we keep working to make it as close to a masterpiece as possible 🎨 What is your posing vibe and what do you think mine is? 😜"

"Your great life isn't going to be achieved by playing it small, risk being seen in all of your glory ✨️ Own it. Lean into it. Send it 🌞🌻 . . . . . . . . . . . . . #motivation #wbff #fitness #discipline #health #ownitleanintoitsendit #wbffcompetitor #mindset #growthmindset #queen #bigqueenenergy #confidence #empowerment #sobriety #soberissexy #soberlife #alcoholfree #freedom #photoshoot"