Caluroso

"I was recently going through my camera roll trying to find a photo that showed my most depressed point, what I ended up finding were photos of me smiling which truthfully explains it so much better than any sad photo could. When you think about depression you probably think of someone looking a bit like Eeyore, right? Instincively, you might think of the person who has stopped functioning - no energy to move off the couch, crying all the time, etc and that's true too (i've been both) more commonly though, depression looks like the friend who's happy, or the person who puts everyone else first, or the person who keeps themselves constantly busy. That's the trouble with depression it's frighteningly easy to hide, especially if you're not looking for the subtleties. When I look back at the points that lead up to when I stopped functioning, there were some tell-tale signs along the way to it - my appearance changed pretty drastically, I'd gained a lot of weight, I was unkempt and had no pride in myself, I started to withdraw socially, I was drinking more in both volume and frequency, constantly puffing on a vape to ease my anxiety and mind, I could go on for days tbh. From the outside I'm certain most people would of seen me and thought wow Nikki has really let herself go, I was smiling to the world, so it could be assumed I was fine, yet the truth is I was struggling and hiding it behind a smiling face. It's pretty easy to judge other people, we have all been guilty of it at one point in our lives, yet everyone is fighting battles we all"

"When I was 16 I got selected into the Illawarra Academy of Sport for Netball, that same year, and the year after, I was scouted and represented NSW at the Indoor Netball National Titles. Netball and sports has always been something that has come pretty naturally to me thanks to my parents for getting me into them from a young age, what hasn't is the commitment and drive it takes to get to the top. After I peaked in those selections I quit and decided drinking and partying was the easier life for me. Disclaimer: it wasnt, it was 15 years of a very different type of hard. When I look back at what could of been and how different of a path I could of taken, i don't really have many regrets. All of those misteps and failings built me right now and I can't go back and change it so there's no point in regretting it. What i can do though is tell this story in case there's a 16 year old, or anyone else, who has natural talent like i did and remind them consistency, commitment, hard work and dedication will beat it every time. We all try to find shortcuts in life to make it easier or more comfortable but the reality is there is no easier way, no matter the choice you make it'll be hard at some point, it's all about choosing the one that's going to benefit you more in the long term. Short term sacrifice for long term gain every time."

"Note to self: take up journalling rather than putting feelings on the internet, especially during prep 😂 she's back and ready to rumble 😈 #callingmyselfout . . . . . . . . #wbff #wbffaustralia #posing #wbffbikini #fitness #wbfftransformation"

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"The Goddess @nat4_beauty #ishtarphotography #photooftheday #photo #photographer #photography #photoshoot #makeupartist #model #موديلات #photosessions #photograph #modeling #makeup #trend #photobomb #photoaday #makeup #photowall #photographylovers #makeuptutorial #photomodel #photogenic #photograpy #photoart #fashionstyle #fashionista #fashionblogger #fashionweek"